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:iconalapip: More from alapip


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Submitted on
January 16, 2012
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[don't you just love the smell of lightnin'?]

invite the strike of barb-ed fork
with smirching mirth - [Nebraska corn].
a loathsome husker huffs windy bluster
in feckless lust o'er freckled lass.

she heard your word; you oink like pork,
breath rank and mean, foul beard unshorn.
you, trailer trash, lure a killing twister;
she hooks the sky, then... lets it pass.

mother earth by men brought dark,
while women bring the harvest morn.
that girl has power beyond you, Buster.
thank the stars - she spared your ass.

sing it!:
"oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine..."
she's the one best not forgotten, Omaha doll, inclement time.


llp - dA - jan2012
Clementine grew up near Omaha Neb.
and she, being a 'white witch',
had secret powers over the elements.
also, she had freckles.

you didn't know that?  it's all true... :nod:
[just kidding]

small edit - added double ellipse - 1/19/2012.
added sub-title - 2/6/2012.
edit - a couple of punctuation fixes - sep23/2012.
edit - removed double ellipse - late sept/2012?
edits - added two lines, and tidied up - [now, a modified sonnet form] - may08/2013.
edit - changed one word for better assonance/consonance - [huffs] - may14/2013.
edit - 'loathsome' for more exacting description - may17/2013.
edit - reconfigured the last stanza, so y'all can get it 'now' - jun19/2013.
edit - third line - 'stone' - aug15/2013.
edit - reworked the last stanza for the 'singing' part - sep16/2013.
edit - one final, [i promise], change to that last stanza - oct3/2013.
edits - little ones, [i lied], just fiddle-fartin' around - oct31/2013.
edits - present tensing of 1st stanza - and repost - jul09/2014.
edits [w/repost] - first stanza, to 'bestir the plot' - sep03/2014 - done! [i hope].
edits - [nope - not done] - minor nuances - sep13/2014.

;)pip
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:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Professional Writer
Wow, you've really worked on this one! It's good to go now; stop that editing! :)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yeah, it may finally have been edited to submission.
wait!  one more word... there. :hmm:

thanks, Ron ;)
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:iconmaxnort:
maxnort Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014   Writer
I have suspected it for some time. you are truly shameless.

I am damn proud to know you.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"shameless", and now speechless...  :O
Reply
:iconmaxnort:
maxnort Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014   Writer
what? any man who will perpetrate that, and then continue to revisit it has much to teach.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
but still:
i might consider a larger percentage
of the myriad of things that might be considered,
but my percentage remains far short
of the percentage of things that should be considered
- pip - 7-09-2014 

anyway, Max, thanks for saying what you say. ;)
Reply
:iconmaxnort:
maxnort Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014   Writer
...very considerate of you...
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yes, i know... :rofl:

...:O
Reply
:iconrunnrabbitrunn:
RUNNrabbitRUNN Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
i am ever convinced of your infamy, pip.






i believe that says all.
-rab
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks, Rab, for bringing me back to this,
so i could make some changes and repost it too.
i tend to tend it like a garden - pulling weeds.

maybe i should line it with medium sized rocks?

hah - the infamous pip - ;)
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