invite the strike of barb-ed fork
with smirching mirth - [Nebraska corn].
a loathsome husker huffs windy bluster
in feckless lust o'er freckled lass.
she heard your word; you oink like pork,
breath rank and mean, foul beard unshorn.
you, trailer trash, lure a killing twister;
she hooks the sky, then... lets it pass.
mother earth by men brought dark,
while women bring the harvest morn.
that girl has power beyond you, Buster.
thank the stars - she spared your ass.
"oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine..."
she's the one best not forgotten, Omaha doll, inclement time.
llp - dA - jan2012
and she, being a 'white witch',
had secret powers over the elements.
also, she had freckles.
you didn't know that? it's all true...
small edit - added double ellipse - 1/19/2012.
added sub-title - 2/6/2012.
edit - a couple of punctuation fixes - sep23/2012.
edit - removed double ellipse - late sept/2012?
edits - added two lines, and tidied up - [now, a modified sonnet form] - may08/2013.
edit - changed one word for better assonance/consonance - [huffs] - may14/2013.
edit - 'loathsome' for more exacting description - may17/2013.
edit - reconfigured the last stanza, so y'all can get it 'now' - jun19/2013.
edit - third line - 'stone' - aug15/2013.
edit - reworked the last stanza for the 'singing' part - sep16/2013.
edit - one final, [i promise], change to that last stanza - oct3/2013.
edits - little ones, [i lied], just fiddle-fartin' around - oct31/2013.
edits - present tensing of 1st stanza - and repost - jul09/2014.
edits [w/repost] - first stanza, to 'bestir the plot' - sep03/2014 - done! [i hope].
edits - [nope - not done] - minor nuances - sep13/2014.
I am damn proud to know you.
i might consider a larger percentage
of the myriad of things that might be considered,
but my percentage remains far short
of the percentage of things that should be considered
- pip - 7-09-2014
anyway, Max, thanks for saying what you say.
i believe that says all.
so i could make some changes and repost it too.
i tend to tend it like a garden - pulling weeds.
maybe i should line it with medium sized rocks?
hah - the infamous pip -
Irresistible and edited a lot, just the way I do my writing when I make time for it [when I don't, it wins features -> kidding (sorta)].
You made a song into a poem into a song and brought that tornado in my living room for a while.
But I wrote a prose piece about a tornado, too, and am happy because it tells how to kick a tornado out of my place as well.
ANYway -puns, rhythm and wit. A hit.
Oh, BTW, tell Don to turn that damned lite off, he's keepin' me awake.
did you notice how the title was 'made'?
to be unique and hopefully artful,
and to say something definite
about life or right and wrong.
thank you for all the validations, Rick.
I truly and thoroughly enjoyed this one. Very well written.
i think it's better than the
ones i got DLDs on, but i'm
no judge of good poetry...
i love it so.
that the lady had powers, to conjure
the hooked cell shape which precedes
an actual tornado, then decides to
let him live. also, tornadoes
in the USA are known for hitting
house trailers, killing the poor,
[often literally quite destitute],
occupants, looked down upon as
as odd as this poem is, i put some
thought into it.
and another thank you, Meg.
it's sad what tornadoes do, we suffer from floods and bush fires and yeah, we have cyclones (tornados) too. terrible terrible.
makes the country band together though, something nice out of the sadness.
and it was my pleasure
get worse and more frequent. yet here in
the USA the right wingers still say there
is no global warming.
Rupert Murdock encourages all this with his
Fox cable 'news' channel. don't suppose
you folks would consider taking him back?
the summer isn't even a summer this year, well, asides from today, it's hot out!
i have heard the winter is playing up for you guys, right?
not enough snow for some peoples liking.
one big wet mean snowstorm on Halloween,
before the leaves fell, almost two months
before Winter officially started. it took
down trees and power lines all over New
England; since then, a very warm dry Winter.
i saw a few flakes today. a little snow too.
It's got a dark side, and a fun side with its rhythm.
it gets lots of comments.