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[don't you just love the smell of lightnin'?]

invite the strike of barb-ed fork
blurt smirking mirth - [Nebraska corn] -
some loathsome husker huffs windy bluster
in feckless lust o'er freckled lass

she heard your word - you oink like pork
breath rank and mean - foul beard unshorn
you trailer trash tempt a killing twister
she hooks the sky... then lets it pass

mother earth by men brought dark
while women conjure the harvest morn
that girl has power beyond you, Buster
bless the stars - she spared your ass

sing it!:
"oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine..."
she's the one best not forgotten, Omaha doll, inclement time


llp - dA - jan2012
/lementine grew up near Omaha Neb.
and she, being a 'white witch',.
had secret powers over the elements.
also, she had freckles.

you didn't know that?  it's all true... :nod:
[just kidding]

small edit - added double ellipse - 1/19/2012.
added sub-title - 2/6/2012.
edit - a couple of punctuation fixes - sep23/2012.
edit - removed double ellipse - late sept/2012?
edits - added two lines, and tidied up - [now, a modified sonnet form] - may08/2013.
edit - changed one word for better assonance/consonance - [huffs] - may14/2013.
edit - 'loathsome' for more exacting description - may17/2013.
edit - reconfigured the last stanza, so y'all can get it 'now' - jun19/2013.
edit - third line - 'stone' - aug15/2013.
edit - reworked the last stanza for the 'singing' part - sep16/2013.
edit - one final, [i promise], change to that last stanza - oct3/2013.
edits - little ones, [i lied], just fiddle-fartin' around - oct31/2013.
edits - present tensing of 1st stanza - and repost - jul09/2014.
edits [w/repost] - first stanza, to 'bestir the plot' - sep03/2014 - done! [i hope].
edits - [nope - not done] - minor nuances - sep13/2014.
edits - brought it up to my current 'style' - and a reposting - jun09/2015.

;)pip
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:iconcyranosdemet:
cyranosdemet Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2015
Not only that, but she made really good cornbread too... ;-)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Hahah... brings to mind my Mom's
corn fritters.  Haven't had those
since we left the farm after Dad
died, [early 50s].

I wonder if I'll ever be satisfied
with this poem, 'nos.  :)
Reply
:iconbark:
Bark Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Professional Writer
Wow, you've really worked on this one! It's good to go now; stop that editing! :)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yeah, it may finally have been edited to submission.
wait!  one more word... there. :hmm:

thanks, Ron ;)
Reply
:iconmaxnort:
maxnort Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014   Writer
I have suspected it for some time. you are truly shameless.

I am damn proud to know you.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
"shameless", and now speechless...  :O
Reply
:iconmaxnort:
maxnort Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014   Writer
what? any man who will perpetrate that, and then continue to revisit it has much to teach.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
but still:
i might consider a larger percentage
of the myriad of things that might be considered,
but my percentage remains far short
of the percentage of things that should be considered
- pip - 7-09-2014 

anyway, Max, thanks for saying what you say. ;)
Reply
:iconmaxnort:
maxnort Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014   Writer
...very considerate of you...
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
yes, i know... :rofl:

...:O
Reply
:iconrunnrabbitrunn:
RUNNrabbitRUNN Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014
i am ever convinced of your infamy, pip.






i believe that says all.
-rab
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks, Rab, for bringing me back to this,
so i could make some changes and repost it too.
i tend to tend it like a garden - pulling weeds.

maybe i should line it with medium sized rocks?

hah - the infamous pip - ;)
Reply
:icondragon-fly-to-me:
dragon-fly-to-me Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013
for a few minutes, I thought this might be about Carlos Danger...but then I realized that you wrote it before we were all introduced to him. ;)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Carlos Danger? whodat?
oh, nevermind.  i sense
extraneousness. ;)
Reply
:icondragon-fly-to-me:
dragon-fly-to-me Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2013
LOL! Oh, he is just some crazy alter ego of a crazy guy. :)
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013   Writer

Irresistible and edited a lot, just the way I do my writing when I make time for it [when I don't, it wins features -> kidding (sorta)].

You made a song into a poem into a song and brought that tornado in my living room for a while.

But I wrote a prose piece about a tornado, too, and am happy because it tells how to kick a tornado out of my place as well.

ANYway -puns, rhythm and wit. A hit. :+fav:

 

Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i know what you mean, having done some
rather major edits on already DLD'd poems.
Wait!  i'm not finished yet!

i wonder if there's anyone else on dA who
documents their edits like i do.

thanks, Wotcher :heart:
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013   Writer

i just write "Edits" and the date last edited.

so i guess few to nobody does it like you do.

 

and, of course, you're welcome.

:heart:Wotcher

Reply
:iconjimfleming:
jimfleming Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
You had me at the smell of lightnin'!
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
more like the taste of a penny in your mouth.
and, i love the lift the ozone gives us.

i must have a touch of synesthesia.  certain
voices at certain times can make me sense
that same penny taste.

namely Johnny Menzies and Alison Goldfrapp,
[she, on a certain song* from the album Felt
Mountain], [he, a co-worker at Bausch and
Lomb circa 1960].

around the 1:30 and 3:10 marks.

just FYI-in' :shrug:
Reply
:iconjimfleming:
jimfleming Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013
You are a complex bastard, aren't you ? :)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i dunno... guess maybe.

only my kids can consistently get me,
[but they've had years of practice].

my history is rather - - - unique. :hmm:

before i leave this mortal coil, there
are some folks i need to talk with.

"i coulda been a contender, Charley..."
Reply
:iconjimfleming:
jimfleming Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013
No regrets, bubba... :)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
being a world class underachiever, despite the ranking,
does not leave one 'satisfied' with one's contributions.

however:
not having specialized in a field, where i might have
become as successful as my cousin Richard -
it Has left me free to become a 'jack-of-all-subjects'
where i enjoy theorizing outside of everyone else's
boxes.  though it Is Very validating to find out my
thinking is supported by various within-field experts,
i have not made contributions Anywhere.  That's why
i want to talk to various people.

there's one simple astronomical concept, which if proven
true, Might be worth a Nobel Prize.  nah.

though... i Am within driving distance of MIT now, and
my son knows his way around there... :hmm:
Reply
:iconlancelotprice:
LancelotPrice Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013
The sciatica must be acting up from those well deserved bows. Very entertaining. :)

Oh, BTW, tell Don to turn that damned lite off, he's keepin' me awake.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Don Zirly Lite is a BEER, silly... :roll:
Reply
:iconlancelotprice:
LancelotPrice Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013
You're not the only one who does puns. :)
Reply
:iconriparii:
riparii Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013
Love the word play.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fav, Kate.
this one hasn't gotten much appreciation...
Reply
:iconleyghan:
leyghan Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I didn't comment on this before faving but now that I've revisited this I just have to say that this just fires on all cylinders. I like the rhythm, the word play, and the subject matter. Like that damned song, it kinda burrows into your psyche and stays there. Well done!
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks, Rosie.

did you notice how the title was 'made'?

;)pip
Reply
:iconleyghan:
leyghan Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Erm, no. I'll probably kick my self for missing the obvious but do tell...
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh my darlin' Clementine
o-mah doll-in-clemen-time
Omaha doll inclement time

don't feel bad, Rosie. nobody
gets it until i tell 'em.

Jose, can you see?
[buy the Don Zirly lite]:shrug:
Reply
:iconleyghan:
leyghan Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah. :lol:
Reply
:iconsedahliah:
SedahLiah Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012   Writer
The rhyme here is skillful, but the word choice is what really make this shine. Each thought finds its wording effortlessly, the metaphors gallant. :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
my heart's desire:
to be unique and hopefully artful,
and to say something definite
about life or right and wrong.

thank you for all the validations, Rick.

sincerely, :bow:
Reply
:iconsedahliah:
SedahLiah Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012   Writer
:bow:
Reply
:iconhalcyonshores:
halcyonshores Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:clap::clap:
I truly and thoroughly enjoyed this one. Very well written.
:rose:
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thanks, Dove. to be honest,
i think it's better than the
ones i got DLDs on, but i'm
no judge of good poetry... :shrug:
Reply
:iconhalcyonshores:
halcyonshores Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Personally, I am no poetry judge period ;)
I just happen to know what I like :floating:
Reply
:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
loving this one so much especially this bit she hooks the sky... ... then, lets it pass. that bit... just... so much in that one little bit.
i love it so.

:heart: faved
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i'm thinking you got the inference
that the lady had powers, to conjure
the hooked cell shape which precedes
an actual tornado, then decides to
let him live. also, tornadoes
in the USA are known for hitting
house trailers, killing the poor,
[often literally quite destitute],
occupants, looked down upon as
'trailer trash'.

as odd as this poem is, i put some
thought into it.

and another thank you, Meg.

;)pip
Reply
:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
yes that is what i was thinking, you're right.
it's sad what tornadoes do, we suffer from floods and bush fires and yeah, we have cyclones (tornados) too. terrible terrible.
makes the country band together though, something nice out of the sadness.

and it was my pleasure :)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
and, i'm sure, you've noticed the storms
get worse and more frequent. yet here in
the USA the right wingers still say there
is no global warming.

Rupert Murdock encourages all this with his
Fox cable 'news' channel. don't suppose
you folks would consider taking him back?

please? :(
Reply
:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
haha i think he would have to be dragged back here

the summer isn't even a summer this year, well, asides from today, it's hot out!
i have heard the winter is playing up for you guys, right?
not enough snow for some peoples liking.
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
so, drag him!

one big wet mean snowstorm on Halloween,
before the leaves fell, almost two months
before Winter officially started. it took
down trees and power lines all over New
England; since then, a very warm dry Winter.
i saw a few flakes today. a little snow too.

;)
Reply
:iconmeghan-solo:
meghan-solo Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
awwhh i miss the snow
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
do you miss the flakes? [the USA definition] ;)

[old as i am, i often am one]
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbeyondjen:
BeyondJen Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, gosh, this is a interesting and fun read.
It's got a dark side, and a fun side with its rhythm. :)
Reply
:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thanks, Jen. i like that
it gets lots of comments. ;)
Reply
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January 16, 2012
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