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Literature Text
in tall thin houses
high
we stare
down
steep narrow
stairways
paused
pondering
dare we descend
encumbered
as we are?
stumbling up
hard on the shins
plummeting down
bodes lethal
teetering
fearful
hip crammed against rail
we reach
where is that step?
where is it?
llp - jun2012 - dA
high
we stare
down
steep narrow
stairways
paused
pondering
dare we descend
encumbered
as we are?
stumbling up
hard on the shins
plummeting down
bodes lethal
teetering
fearful
hip crammed against rail
we reach
where is that step?
where is it?
llp - jun2012 - dA
Literature
The Theater(A THaB Fanfic)
[Author's Note: Hey, everyone! After a few days of editing and a few months of writing, I bring to you all my first ever THaB fanfiction! What is THaB? THaB stands for "To Hell and Back", and is a music series created by Team 6×111, which is a group of various musicians and artists that is directed by the YouTuber Vane. You can view Team 6×111's Twitter here if you are interested on following them for updates on their music! A link to their official website is also on there if you are interested! Back, back to THaB itself. What is it about? Well, I think Team 6×111 sums it best on their website by calling it, and I quote-"a VOCALOID song series about what happens after you die"-unquote. If you want to know more, I suggest checking out either the official Team 6×111 Toyhouse account linked on there Twitter account or checking out the THaB playlist found on Vane's YouTube channel! With that out of the way, I'd like to address this fanfic itself now that I've given you some context on
Literature
Alluring
You Are You. You Are free To do and think Whatever you want. You make your own choices; You lead your own life; You create your own world. Eat what you want; Why stress about your health When you only live once? If you want something, Go take it. If you want to do something, Go do it. If you like where you are, Stay there. If you don't, Go somewhere else. If you don't like something, Get rid of it. If something pleases you, Keep it Until it goes rancid. If an impulse strikes you, Follow it and see where it leads you. Enjoy your freedom While you have it... You can believe in anything; No one knows everything, after all. What's the harm? If you want a thing to be real, Pretend it is and you'll believe it. Why limit yourself to a book of rules To convenience random strangers Or a bossy, huffy Authority Who thinks He knows better than The Amazing, Wonderful, Insatiable You? Believe in a god; Believe in many gods; Believe in money, power, sex, Identity, pleasure, niceness, The Almighty
Literature
''You''
This hell burns a gentle flame, so I imagine it's just another game  Maybe because I'm drawing in pain, or maybe because the tears fall like rain The rumbling in my mind Or maybe it's the breaking of my heart  That keeps me awake at night  What difference does it make, it will never be alright  Things are going through a change  But there is still a hell to pay  All of us feel so strange  I wonder which of me will find the way  "You are the one, who fucked it all and around." I see the reflection laughing in my face. It's with me in every space. "You should've been there for them. You should've been a better friend." Is this what I've been living towards then, to watch it all end? Something I cannot believe And they call that shit grief  Just to make it easier to live  But the relief is brief  I see blood everywhere  In my thoughts, so beware  Don't come near me I swear  Or you will join the soirée World covered in blackened hew  To show how I am not missing you  So light up the flair and watch as the memories burn.
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inspired by this unique art - 
from iphigen.
thank you, Angie!
major edit - title, some rewording, etc - jun5/12
another stanza, plus a word change, thanks to Lisa - jun5/12.
edits - fixed title - added descending stanzas - aug2/12.
edits - added two line breaks - sep6/2012.
pip
from iphigen.
thank you, Angie!
major edit - title, some rewording, etc - jun5/12
another stanza, plus a word change, thanks to Lisa - jun5/12.
edits - fixed title - added descending stanzas - aug2/12.
edits - added two line breaks - sep6/2012.
pip © 2012 - 2024 alapip
Comments48
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactVision: You chose a beautiful reference. I did not notice the picture before I read your poem, and you managed to capture the image quite well. Nonetheless, I gave you two stars in "Vision" because this poem was inspired by someone else's work.
Originality: I gave you three and a half stars for "Originality" because I was impressed that you didn't spell out that this poem is about being frozen in place, but that definitely game through. I didn't give you a higher score because there are many such poems with similar images and metaphors that inspire a standard melancholy feeling.
Technique: I enjoy that your words are broken into easily mouth-able parts, but the short lines are distracting and semi-trite. I know you're going for the "spare-poet" angle, but sometimes, adding detail goes miles. Good alliteration.
Impact: It gave me enough of a stop to critique it, so I've awarded your poem three stars. Also, again, I did like that you were able to give me an image without totally spelling it out.